A Visitor in My Own City

[raoin]

take the masking tape and mark off
everything you dont want touched
i'll sign the form in triplicate.
Please do not forget the official stamp.

if my mouth is closed i cant swallow my pride,
i know its not the dish you meant to serve me.

How can i begin to explain, with eyes with teeth,
all the ordinary things which can devour you,
all the moments where i hide,
behind the blackout blinds and the radio silences,
the small wars which cast long shadows over time.

How can i begin to explain, tracing the lines of your hand,
that i do not have the words, do not know the language,
my syntax, my structure
all foreign
and this concept, those concerns
more alien still.

I am an emigre, i am a stowaway.
my second language, my third,
the languages we learn as children stay with us the longest,
and the cyphers and codes i learned along the way
are set as shards inflecting and reflecting my pain.
i am harried by my silences, by the places
i cannot go - can no longer go, by words i dare not speak,
by rules i fear to break - though i feel i may have once known them all,
and the truces signed with care and bone
- the parchment of your skin the calligraphy of your hair.
i know but cannot express - locked tight against my heart and head.

the sign on the wall, torn and faded
is it a warning, is it an invitation?